Âmes sensibles, ne pas s’abstenir

Femme au regard triste

“Pourquoi tu pleures ?”, “Qu’est-ce que tu es émotive !”, “On peut jamais rien te dire !”, « Il t’en faut peu quand même…”, “Tu devrais apprendre à te blinder un peu plus…”, “Tu sais, la vie c’est pas le monde des Bisounours !”… Si vous aussi, vous êtes une grande sensible, vous avez dû entendre (ou être percutée de plein fouet par) au moins une de ces phrases… Si jusqu’ici je n’avais écrit qu’à propos de nos complexes physiques, j’ai décidé aujourd’hui d’aborder les complexes de notre âme. Gérer sa sensibilité, contrôler ses émotions, vaste défi, me direz-vous… Et bien justement, je vous propose une autre alternative : laissez-vous aller !


Les joues qui chauffent, la gorge qui se serre, le menton qui tremble, les yeux embués… On a toutes vécu cette situation où l’émotion monte malgré nous, où une petite voix répète dans notre tête “Ne pleure pas, ne pleure pas, ne pleure pas…” Pendant des années, j’ai lutté contre ma sensibilité, tentant de m’endurcir, de montrer une image forte. Et non seulement il fallait que je gère mes émotions, mais il fallait aussi que je compose avec celles des autres. Parce que grande sensibilité rime souvent avec forte empathie, le fameux effet “éponge à émotions”. Et plus j’essayais de lutter contre ce que je ressentais, plus je me culpabilisais de ne pas y parvenir. Je me sentais faible et inadaptée à ce monde. Pendant longtemps, j’ai cru que c’était la clé : m’adapter aux autres. Mais j’ai fini par réaliser que les autres ne s’adapteraient jamais à moi. Forcément, j’ai trouvé ça injuste ! Alors j’ai réfléchi différemment et je me suis fait une raison : cette grande sensibilité fait partie de moi et je ne peux pas changer qui je suis… et je ne peux pas non plus demander aux autres de changer. Voici ma méthode en trois étapes pour composer avec ma sensibilité au quotidien :


Étape 1 : On ouvre les vannes !


J’ai pris le temps d’analyser mon fonctionnement et voici ce que j’ai compris. Je suis un vase (ah ouais sympa, la meuf, elle devient métaphysique carrément…). Je m’explique : Je suis un vase (une bouteille, un saladier, une amphore, un tupperware… le contenant que vous voudrez…), mes émotions sont de l’eau (du sable, du mojito, tout ce que vous voulez encore une fois). Chaque émotion vient peu à peu remplir le vase… Et émotion après émotion, le vase finit par se remplir, voire par déborder… (Vous visualisez le torrent de larmes ?) Il y a deux solutions pour le vider avant qu’il ne déborde :

  • Attendre que l’émotion s’évapore, c’est à dire laisser faire le temps en espérant qu’une autre émotion ne viendra pas s’ajouter. En sachant que l’émotion mettra toujours plus de temps à se dissiper qu’elle n’en a mis pour apparaître, la vie ne nous laisse pas toujours cette chance hélas.
  • Vivre l’émotion. C’est la solution que j’ai choisie, vous l’aurez compris.

Je sens les larmes venir, pourquoi lutter ? Si l’émotion doit s’exprimer, qu’elle s’exprime ! (Bon, on est bien d’accord que si on est au milieu d’une réunion super importante, on ne se met pas à pleurer parce que Marie-Christine fait une réflexion désobligeante sur nos escarpins. Ses chaussures Scholl à elle, elles sont moches aussi et c’est pas la fin du monde !). Mais si on sent les larmes monter devant un téléfilm de Noël M6, en écoutant une musique triste (je conseille Birdy quand on a envie de chialer un bon coup ou « Fix You » de Coldplay) ou tout simplement parce qu’on a passé une mauvaise journée (Merci Marie-Christine), et ben on laisse aller, on vide le vase. Même si Chéri est dans la pièce. Il faut que ça sorte, c’est comme ça et personne ne doit vous juger pour ça. Expliquez-le à Chéri et il comprendra. Des fois, il y a juste un trop plein.

Et après ? Et ben après, on se sent vraiment mieux, soulagée et prête à retourner affronter le monde ! On retrouve l’apaisement. Et pleurer quand on en a la possibilité, cela aidera à ne pas perdre son sang froid quand la prochaine émotion viendra et qu’on ne sera pas dans un endroit où on peut se permettre de se laisser aller. Le vase ayant été vidé au préalable, il ne débordera pas. Vous suivez ?

Je ne peux que vous le répéter : on a beau être des nanas top moumoutes, on n’est pas des Super Women et personne ne nous demande de l’être. On arrête de se mettre la pression en mode femme forte et indépendante, on arrête de culpabiliser. Pleurer, ce n’est pas être faible, c’est juste lâcher prise et accepter ses émotions.

Chaton qui pleure. Même les animaux expriment leur sensibilité

Tout le monde il pleure… Même les petits chatons tous mignons !

Étape 2 : On pose des limites


La sensible est tellement gentille ! On peut se permettre beaucoup de choses, elle ne se rebiffera pas. Une crème, cette sensible, je vous le dis ! Malheureusement, c’est ce que beaucoup de gens se disent. Et c’est vrai que souvent, on ne dit rien. Ben non, parce que si je me mets à parler, je vais pleurer… Et tandis que notre “persécuteur” est déjà passé à autre chose, nous portons notre peine comme un lourd fardeau, parfois pendant plusieurs jours, en analysant le moindre mot, en nous remémorant la situation, en se demandant encore et encore ce qu’on aurait dû dire ou faire… Alors pour votre bien-être, posez des limites !

Règle n°1 : Ne faites pas comme si tout allait bien, vous ne trompez personne… Et vous ne rendez service à personne, surtout pas à vous même.

Ross dans Friends qui découvre Joey et Rachel s'embrassant et qui fait sembler d'aller bien

Ce n’est pas la chose la plus facile à faire mais il faut dire les choses… Si vous n’exprimez pas ce que vous avez ressenti à cette personne, ne vous attendez pas à ce qu’elle le devine. Si cela vous parait une évidence, ce n’est pas forcément le cas, tout le monde ne vit pas les choses aussi intensément que les sensibles et n’accordent pas autant d’importance aux mots ou aux gestes. Vous ne pouvez pas parler sur le coup ? Ce n’est pas grave. Laissez l’émotion retomber un peu et retournez voir cette personne plus tard pour remettre les choses à plat : “Je voulais te reparler de qu’il s’est passé, de ce que tu m’as dit, etc.”, exprimez-lui votre émotion “J’ai été blessée, déçue, terrassée” (nan là, ça va trop loin peut-être), et laissez la personne s’expliquer. Pour l’avoir expérimenté, vous serez sans doute surprise ! Et si la personne ne vous semble pas réceptive sur le coup, tant pis. Vous vous sentirez quand même soulagée d’avoir exprimé votre ressenti et d’avoir osé faire cette démarche. Et dites-vous bien que même si la personne a paru peu réceptive sur le moment, elle sera plus prudente à l’avenir.

Vous pouvez aussi vous créer une phrase de protection (la meuf métaphysique, le retour). Le principe est de choisir une phrase avec laquelle on se sent à l’aise pour poser une limite quand vous sentez que la personne face à vous vous atteint dans votre sensibilité : “Je t’arrête, le ton que tu emploies me met mal à l’aise”, “Je préférerais qu’on en reparle calmement plus tard”, etc. À vous de trouver votre phrase (« Tu vas fermer ta grande g*** espèce de c*** n’est pas admis comme phrase de protection, juste pour info… Oui parfois la grande sensible attend d’être à bout pour s’exprimer et peut vriller…).
Une méthode à appliquer dans tous les domaines de sa vie : au travail, à la maison, dans le cercle familial, etc.

Étape 3 : On fait la paix avec sa sensibilité


Plutôt que de voir votre sensibilité comme une faiblesse, voyez-la comme un atout, c’en est un, réellement !

En tant que sensibles, on vit tout très intensément. Forcément quand c’est de la tristesse, ce n’est pas une partie de plaisir… Mais quand c’est du bonheur, ça dépote ! Oui, qu’est-ce qu’on pleure, mais qu’est-ce qu’on rit aux éclats aussi ! Appréciez ces petits bonheurs que vous avez la chance de savoir percevoir ! On ne vit qu’une fois et on a la chance de vivre le bonheur avec plus d’intensité que d’autres, c’est un vrai cadeau !

Cette sensibilité nous rend souvent créatives ! Peinture, écriture, musique, poterie, macramé, sculpture de ballons… Trouvez votre talent ! Vous vous ferez du bien et en plus, cerise sur le gâteau, vous aurez la joie de toucher les autres parce que personne n’exprime mieux les émotions que vous !

N’oubliez jamais que les gens qui nous aiment nous aiment aussi grâce à notre sensibilité et notre empathie qui nous permettent de mieux les comprendre, de les écouter, de les conseiller. Nous avons cette aptitude à créer de l’émotion chez l’autre. Et ça, c’est une force ! (On évite quand même de porter toute la misère du monde sur ses épaules).


Je ne suis pas psychologue mais j’espère que ces quelques conseils de grande sensible à grandes sensibles pourront vous aider au quotidien !

Je vous invite également à découvrir l’émouvante lettre d’Aline à son hypersensibilité sur le site de Madmoizelle, un beau témoignage qui met en avant les difficultés de ce trait de personnalité, mais surtout ses nombreux atouts !

Pour finir, on écoute la dernière chanson de Brigitte, “Palladium”, dont les paroles nous réconfortent :


“ T’es belle même quand tu pleures. T’as le spleen élégant, le blues enchanteur. […] C’est pas la peine de faire semblant, je sais qu’on est pas des géants. Viens, on pleure, on pissera moins”


Pour vous détendre, passer un bon moment et décomplexer, découvrez également La Femme parfaite est une connasse, le livre de chevet de Fête la différence.

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